“I am a Seeker” by Kevin Barwick

August 11, 2024

Twelth Sunday after Pentecost

I have to admit that this sermon has been a real struggle. I’ve found myself resisting putting my thoughts down on paper, or claiming them as my own and, in fact, acting on them in deliberate and intentional ways. In other words, do I really believe what I’m actually thinking and saying?

"Awakening Is Messy" by Chelan Harkin 
 
You don't transcend
into some paradisiacal, elitist inner garden--
 
It doesn't perfect you.
 
You first come into
all the reasons you've so wanted to stay asleep. 
 
And there are many  
good reasons. 
 
To awaken, really,
is to begin to feel. 
 
Awakening is bit by bit
coming out of denial
around all the reasons you've needed 
to wield
that terrible tool of othering--
because so much is unbearable
inside of our own self. 
 
It is diving into the cracks 
in our hearts
rather than mortaring them.  
It does not look like being 
perfectly empowered, seamlessly composed--
 
It's to commit with all your heart
to no longer take out your helplessness 
on anyone else. 
 
Awakening has nothing to do
with stern, stoic spirituality. 
It has nothing to do 
with finally being aloof enough
to not be impacted by the gifts 
of your feelings. 
 
Awakening doesn't come 
from spiritual mastery defined
as overcoming enough of our shortcomings.
It is found in doing our fumbling best
to grow into arms strong and loving enough  
to hold and hug our aching humanity. 
 
The myth that awakening 
looks anything like spiritual perfectionism
is perhaps the best sleeping pill. 
 
Awakening is the at times compass-less
and often inglorious 
inner odyssey
toward the rough ruby of all that is bruised
and true in our hearts. 
 
Awakening isn't only for special people.
We're all on our way
toward coming out of the sleep cycle

The context I’m alluding to is the Seekers Commitment Statement. We said it already today. “I am a Seeker. I come today to affirm my relationship with this Christian community…” And, “As a member of this church, I will…” I’ve found myself in the last few months, maybe years, to recite this maybe somewhat as a magical password to get into the deeper realms of Seekers-dom. (I know that’s nuts, but sometimes it leaks through) More so for me, it seemed like a statement we read of what we Seekers should be doing. In the last few months, however, I’m hearing it differently. I’m hearing it rather as an opportunity. An opportunity to explore what gifts I might bring, an opportunity to listen more deeply to call and an opportunity to challenge my ho-hum attitude of what’s important with respect to Seekers and my faith practice.

I come today to affirm my relationship with this Christian community in the tradition of the Church of the Saviour, linked with the people of God through the ages.

As a member of this church, I will deepen my relationships in this local expression of the Body of Christ, sharing my gifts from God with others who worship with Seekers Church, and in the wider world.

I will:

Nurture my relationship with God and Seekers Church through spiritual disciplines or practices;

Care for the whole of creation, including the natural environment;

Foster justice and be in solidarity with the poor;

Work for the end of all war, both public and private; and

Respond joyfully with my life, as the grace of God gives me freedom.

That is a powerful statement! However, it needs to go further for me.

Our gospel reading today is one of my favorites. Jesus said to his disciples, “I am the bread of life, i. e. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. Coming to Jesus brings fullness. Believing in him brings a kind of quenching, a flavorful life-giving satisfaction and purpose.

I have to admit that I sometimes get hung up on that word “believing.” Part of me wants to conjure up the old thoughts that I have to be good, or do good, look good to others, in an act of proving myself in some way. I have to fully, blindly and somewhat recklessly have the thought (or belief) that God will ultimately in every situation swoop down to provide my very personal and particular piece of grace for the moment. I’m far, thankfully, from that religious belief system, but still far from where I want to be. And to smudge up the lens even more, I’m honestly not so sure I want all that comes with deep faith. Yes, I want a confidence that lives in hope; a laughing optimism of God’s faithfulness. But I also want to be confident and respectful of darkness and doubt. Richard Rohr wrote, “To hold the full mystery of life is always to endure its other half, which is the equal mystery of death and doubt. To know anything fully is always to hold that part of it which is still mysterious and unknowable.”

Some of you might know that every year there’s a light backpacking trip to Dolly Sods, WV.

Last weekend a few of us again ventured out. This time we had Keith, Sheri, Oswaldo, Ron, Eli and myself. We had a wonderful time, and probably for different reasons. One, in particular for me, was the excitement and curiosity that Eli brought (he’d never been camping before!) I’ll never forget his courage and provocative thinking that he brought while being around these older dudes. Another memorable time was when four of us were sitting around the campfire, again talking about Seekers and our faith. I spoke up and said I was having a tough time formulating my thoughts around this sermon. I mentioned that I’m stuck on that word “belief.” Sheri gently spoke up and said, that to her, belief or beliefs meant what you “live by.” In other words, it’s a philosophy, creed or lifestyle of how one lives out his/her faith. I think there is a lot of truth in that. As I’ve had some time this week to think more about it, I lean toward a more simplistic, maybe child-like way of experiencing that unquenched faith. It’s the phrase in John’s gospel (that Marta read) “Whoever comes to me” that gives me clarity. Jesus said simply COME to me. I other words, “open yourself to me, give me a little trust in how I can satisfy your dry soul.” Simply, in your attention and intention, “Come to him.” There are so many people in Scripture that came to Jesus with an open heart, an intentional, thirsty heart, and they found their water of life. There were also many that came to him with a closed heart that walked away angrily, hungry and thirsty. In the context of prayer, O. Hallesby in his little book called Prayer (1931) said, “[Someone’s] intense will, his fervent emotions, or [her] clear comprehension of what she is praying for are not reasons why [their] prayers will be heard and answered. The results of “faithing” are not dependent upon these things! To pray is nothing more involved than to open the door, giving him access to our needs and permitting Him to exercise his own power (or will) in dealing with them.” He goes on to say, “…It requires no strength. It is only a question of our wills.” In other words, if you and I knock, we’ll soon hear the words, “Come on in! And eat and drink with me.”

So, as I attempt to continually be open, i.e. regularly and intentionally coming to a filling at the table to eat and drink, I’m being changed. I’m learning to, as Chelan Harkin said , “grow [my] arms strong and loving enough to hold and hug our aching humanity.“ But it takes a sort of coming out, a declaration of intention that you have been filled with the Christ-food, if you will. This brings me back to our Seekers commitment statement.

I will:

Nurture my relationship with God and Seekers Church through spiritual disciplines or practices;

Care for the whole of creation, including the natural environment;

Foster justice and be in solidarity with the poor;

Work for the end of all war, both public and private; and

Respond joyfully with my life, as the grace of God gives me freedom.

For me, and perhaps for you, I’d like to broaden it to reflect a more personal perspective. In a minute I’m going to ask you to go inward and speak outward. In other words, if you were to expand your “commitment,” what would the focus look like? For me, in addition to “Respond joyfully with my life, as the grace of God gives me freedom,” I’m adding a personal and specific focus, like…

Personal focus…

Be mindful of the needs in my neighborhood to bring kindness and hope;
Work to bring fairness to inequalities and love to those hurt in my work;
Strive to bring light whenever possible and a cook to the hungry;
Offer my gifts to serve when able;
Seek first to understand and second to be understood;
Strive to be open for God’s call within and around the needs of Seekers; and
Cultivate fierce intentional awarenesses of the injustices right around me.

Specific focus…

Clean up the creek in the park behind my house;
Schedule a time to have lunch with my neighbors;
Develop a deeper friendship with another neighbor and friend through our walks together;
Meet regularly with my men’s councils in order to develop deep connection and support;
Follow up on a letter I wrote to my son;
Have regular and intentional inner focus for prayer and meditation;
Strive to help develop containers for men to grow and express themselves through Rohr’s work
Intentionally attempt to develop my servant leadership abilities in the circles in which I belong.

Now, that’s me. I wonder if you were to allow an expansion of your commitment and focus, what would that look like? What do you want to step in to or step out of in your life. I invite you to share what might be coming up for you now…

Awakening is indeed messy. [Read again the Chelan Harkin poem]